Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
