pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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