It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
