She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
