What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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