found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize