I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
