i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
