Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
