from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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