piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
