4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
