I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
