I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
