My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize