Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
