ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
