I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
