i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
