Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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