i love accidental penises.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
