Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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