I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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