where am i from again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
