someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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