Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
