i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
