im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
