Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
