What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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