I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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