I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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