So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
