After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
