3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
