Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
