I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
