Whod you bang
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
