R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
