I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
