Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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