i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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