I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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