It's like a parade of train wrecks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)