Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on