Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
