fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
