it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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