i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
