I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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