he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize