I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
