Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
