whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
