you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
