She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
