i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
