im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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