I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
