Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
