All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
