ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
