I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
