Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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