Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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