Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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