Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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