He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
