the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
