Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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