I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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