Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
