Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
