so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
