1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
