Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
