I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
