I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
