Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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