Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
