Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
